


The Frog King of Babylon

by wraith816



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Crack, Fairy Tales, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-25
Updated: 2005-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-18 02:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wraith816/pseuds/wraith816
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crack fusion of season 1 with The Frog Prince.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Frog King of Babylon

Once upon a time there lived a very hot man named Brian Kinney. Brian was pretty much royalty in the Kingdom of Pittsburgh, mainly due to the fact that he had a shit load of money, a closet full of expensive clothes, a bachelor pad to die for, and he was very, very hot. He was also a self-absorbed, materialistic, sex-obsessed, offensive bastard, but most people didn't care because, really, he did have a very nice cock (did I mention that he was hot?).

One day, Brian decided to take a walk down Liberty Avenue to find a guy he hadn't fucked yet. He would take great pleasure in using his shiny new toy: a one-of-a-kind golden dildo. First, Brian searched at Woody's, but he found no new tricks there. Babylon was a bust as well. Considering that he'd had ninety-eight point five percent of gay Pittsburgh and at least twenty-five percent of the so-called-breeders, this was to be expected. So after many hours of dancing, drinking, getting high, and generally being debauched, Brian was still without a trick.

Brian wandered, pissed off at his inability to find someone with whom to have wild, hot, anonymous, drugged-up sex. As he strolled into a small park, Brian resolved to call his travel agent the next day and book the first flight to the gayest place he could find. Except for Disney World, that is.

The park was deserted at this hour, a single streetlamp the only illumination; Brian took a seat on a bench near the park's tiny pond. He rifled through the pockets of his Gucci jacket, searching for a joint. But this caused Brian's precious golden dildo to fall out of his pocket and roll and roll and roll right down into the pond! Brian would've dived after his prized sex toy, but that would've gotten grass stains all over his Hugo Boss jeans and that was just unacceptable.

"Fuck!" Brian bitched, "My golden dildo! That was expensive! It’s worth at least two pairs of Prada shoes, three Armani sweaters, and a Hugo Boss suit!"

Just then, Brian heard the 'croak!' of a frog come from the base of the streetlamp; he turned to face the amphibian that stood under the dim light. Strangely enough, the frog was wearing a flannel shirt. Which was in pretty poor fashion taste as it clashed horribly with the green skin. But that was neither here nor there.

Brian asked the frog, "Where you headed?"

"No place special," the frog replied.

"I can change that. My golden dildo fell into the pond and I need someone who can get it out."

"I don't want your two pairs of Prada shoes, your three Armani sweaters, or your Hugo Boss suit, but if you'll take me home with you and let me sleep in your bed and let me sit next to you and teach me to be the best homosexual I can be and if you'll love me, then I'll bring you back your dildo."

Brian thought it over, and replied, "I believe in fucking, not love."

The young frog sighed, "Guess that'll just have to be good enough." He hopped into the water and dived down deep. A few moments later, he tossed the golden dildo onto the shore. Brian picked up his cherished toy and ran off to continue his search for a new trick to use it on.

The frog called after him, "When can I see you again?"

"In your dreams," Brian answered.

The next afternoon, Brian sauntered into the Liberty Diner looking pretty recently satiated. He plopped into a booth seat across from his best friend/court jester Michael. Debbie (who Brian likened to a sometimes-evil-stepmother) had just come over to take his lunch order when they heard a tapping at the Diner's door. Puzzled, Debbie opened the door and a small figured hopped inside; it was the frog.

"Brian–" the frog began.

"Who’s this?" Michael asked.

"Just my stalker," Brian sneered.

Hurt, the frog ground out, "Justin. My name’s Justin."

"Go home," Brian ordered, fed up with Justin-the-frog’s incessant badgering.

"I can't," Justin pouted, "My homophobic dad threw me out of the house when he found out that I’d fetched your golden dildo from the bottom of the pond. I have no where to go."

Debbie scowled, "Brian, this is your mess; you take him home with you."

So Brian did, because Justin's nagging was slightly less annoying than Debbie's and he figured that it would just be temporary. After all, Brian was sure he could drive Justin off after ten or twelve tricks. And that's how Brian came to take Justin home and let Justin stay by his side and have Justin sleep in his bed.

Things pretty much stayed like that for a long time. Brian tricked, got high, and bought a golden cock ring when he got tired of his golden dildo. And slowly, he fell in love with Justin. But for years, he refused to admit it because his head was up his ass.

But eventually, Brian got his act together, and told Justin that he loved him. Then he picked up Justin-the-frog and kissed him softly. And when Brian put the frog down, it suddenly turned into a hot blond guy! The young man stood before Brian, naked except for a tacky plastic crown.

"What the fuck?!"

"You’ve broken the spell!" Justin exclaimed, "I was the King of Babylon before I was enchanted by an evil drag queen; I was to remain a frog until I was kissed by a complete bastard that finally learned to love."

And Brian, seeing how great Justin's ass was, took Justin to his loft and fucked the young man on every available surface. Brian bought his prince a palace and they fucked there too. And there was some rimming, a few hand jobs, and several blow jobs thrown in for good measure. And they lived happily ever after.

The End.


End file.
